I need advice! If you have ever married a divorcee with kids, what advice would you give me?

I am marrying a man 10 years older that me with two teenagers. I love him and his kids very much! I even get along with his ex-wife (for the most part).





If you then what you know now....what advice would you give me?I need advice! If you have ever married a divorcee with kids, what advice would you give me?
I married a man 17 years older than me who had 2 girls aged 11 and 9. I have often said to my female friends to not follow in my footsteps but that has tended to be when i was going through a rough patch. My hubbys realtionship was very strained with his ex and that made things difficult. The main issue i have had has been since we had our own kids. His kids were allowed to have ice cream before dinner mine werent. His kids could do whatever they wanted because he was scared that they would reject him and never see him again. This has and still can be very difficult to deal with. The kids also tended to swing their affection with their dad depending on their moms view of things.





This said I now have a gorgeous grandson and have a fantastic r'ship with my step daughters and their hubby/bf (being closer in age i am more a bigger sister than a mom). My sons are only 8 and 10 and can sometimes feel that they have 3 mom and 3 dads telling em off and it can get hard on them.





So my advice after all that is to stick together on all things and parent equally - his and ur kids together. Dont underestimate the power of an ex-wife to reak havoc in ur family (even if u are getting along now) and when it all gets really hard look him in the eyes and remember u married him because u loved him and that he comes with baggage that may have implications for ur marriage.





Good Luck! We have been together 15 years and married for 9 years and still madly in love.I need advice! If you have ever married a divorcee with kids, what advice would you give me?
My friend just married a man - similar situation to yours.





Well, I think what impacted my friend most is - she always liked his daughters (she has a boy and a girl - not teens for a while) and got along well with them while dating but upon moving in and marrying things changed...Teenagers are funny people - not open to a lot of new experiences (teens can be self-centered) and their at home behavior was different from my friend and her routine. One likes a lot of attention and will get it any way she can, the other is a food hoarder - and that's just the tip of the iceberg.





It takes time to blend and get to know each other...sometimes, when they aren't your kids - you have to let it go and stand in the sidelines. You just can't change everything and everyone to match up that picture of perfection you have in your head.





Patience, love and understanding are key there...
If you marry him, make sure he makes enough money to take care of you and his children. Also, make sure you check the divorce decree and found out about current and child support while in college.





The ex-wife will change once she finds out you are going to get married. So be prepared for her to try to change the children.
understand going into the marriage that even though he loves you and you love him (and his kids) he will always side with them. Try to stay out of all disputes between them and if they come to you with the famous line of ';please don't tell daddy'; immediately let them know that you will have no part of secrets from your husband.





Enter with caution.
Understand that you will never be number one in his life.
I can't answer personally, but my parents are 10 years apart. My mom and dad both had teenagers when they met. They had a hard time, but that was because my dad's ex was trying to get him back, and the kids hated my mom.


I think as long as you truly are on good terms with the ex, and the kids, there would be no problems other than the ordinary every day ones. Love conquers all anyway. I bet things will go just fine.





GOOD LUCK!